Back to Routine

I have decided to set out a diet plan so here it is.

It is pretty much what I am planning to stick to for maintenance and will work around the basics depending on how my weight goes. I am a few grams up again after a really "bad" week-end.

Saturday I had lunch out after a meeting. They served up tea and cake boy oh boy ... chocolate cake, custard tart ... all resistance crumbled.

Then Sunday we were taken out for lunch by family for my birthday and well I simply could not turn down the creme brulle for dessert.

Gasp, my calories for the week end both days were more than I have had in a very very long time but I am only up a few grams from my goal weight and I actually really like the challenge of getting back down again, gives me some thing to strive for.

So here is the diet plan I have worked out:

8am - Black Coffee (I find this kicks my metabolism into gear as well as getting my tummy working)

Breakfast around 10 - 11am:
Option 1: 100g fruit (papaya, mango, melon) 100g Low fat natural Yogurt, 6g Psyllium husks = 80 - 100 cal

Option 2: 30g Oats cooked with 250g water, 10g Whey powder mix with 20g nonfat milk and pour over oats after coocking and once cooled down some what, top with 5g Maple Syrup, 3g Low fat hot chocolate powder, 2 g Cinnamon = 182 cal

Lunch's & Dinners:

Option 1: 70g Rye Bread, 20g Ham, 30g Tomato from tin, 15g Onion, 10g Capers, 30g Sweet peppers, 10g Mozzarella Cheese (made into a pizza) = 270 cal

Option 2: 3g Canola Oil, 15g Onion, 100g Tomato from tin, 60g Tuna (in water), 100g Mixed greens (water crests, rocket etc), 50g Sweet peppers, 50g (dry weight) Whole wheat pasta - all heated together = 240 cal

Option 3: 100g Lettuce, 60g Cucumber, 20g Onion, 60g Pickles, 60g Tomato, Dressing (2g Flaxseed oil, 30g Cream Cheese, 20g Red Wine Vinegar) = 52 cal
If 60g Tuna is added = 122 cal

Option 4: 300g Vegetable soup (home made), 70g Rye bread spread with 30g Cream Cheese = 220 Cal

Option 5: 150g Potato microwaved, 50g Cream Cheese, 80g Chicken breast cut up and fried in 3g of Canola oil with 20g Onion add a little water to pot and simmer till chicken is cooked = 261 cal

Option 6: 20g Onion, 3g Canola oil, 100g Shrimp / Mussels / Squid, 100g Tomato from Tin, 100g Mixed greens (water crests, rocket) 50g (dry weight) Whole Wheat Pasta = 216 Cal

Snacks:

Option 1: 130g non fat Milk, 6g Low fat hot chocolate powder, 5 g Instant coffee, 5g Whey protein powder = 80cal
with out the protein powder = 65 cal

Option 2: 100g Evaporated Milk / Jello Ice cream = 100 cal

Option 3: 50g Carrot sticks, 50g Celery sticks, 50g Cream cheese = 80 cal

Option 4: 10g Low fat hot chocolate powder mixed into 100g Low fat yogurt, 5g Psyllium husks = 75 cal

The idea is to to eat around 500 - 700 cal per day. So if I have the higher cal breakfast then I need to choose a lower cal lunch and dinner or possibly skip the snack. Even worst case example if I had to have all the high calorie things in one day = 825 cal. But if it was reverse and I took all the low calorie options = 507 cal.

Too thin?

I am a tad confused ... I got to my goal weight (well close to it) 41.2kg's (90.6 pounds) and suddenly I am "too thin" according to my Hubby. Suddenly I am no longer looking healthy or fit, suddenly I don't look good any more. I don't understand when I was 42kg's and struggling to get down a few more grams all was fine, but now hubby seems to think I look terrible.

I have lost my weight in a healthy way with low calorie high nutrient food, binging has been minimal, I simply cut out alcohol, chocolate, sweets, biltong / beef jerky, bread, cheese, chips, fried food etc. I have been eating yogurt, fruit, salad, fish and vegetables. I have been exercising a fair amount but not over exerting myself. I feel energetic, my nails and hair have grown, my skin is clear and my eyes are bright and twinkly, I am energetic and sleep a whole lot less. Hubby always complained that I didn't wake up to go walking in the mornings with him, now I am the one pushing for the walks in the mornings. I have the enthusiasm and energy to keep the house clean and neat, the dishes are always done now. So what exactly is the problem ... I don't know.

Last night I was compared to some cheerleaders on TV and told I looked like a skeleton in comparison. I have worked hard and developing lean muscle and get rid of body fat. I think the cheerleaders looked pudgy to be honest.

So the difference of 1kg (2.2 pounds) is an issue it seems. Well I am really proud that I am down to my goal and I am going to try to keep my weight range around 41 - 41.5kg's because that is where I feel comfortable.

Exhausted

I think all the stress and tension that went into the lead up to my birthday has just hit me. Sounds strange but I have been rather stressed about loosing weight with yesterday being the "big day". Gawd that sounds so sad doesn't it?

I feel like I have been run over by a bus. I am tired well actually exhausted. I would love to just curl up in bed and sleep for a few weeks. No idea why this has hit me so hard or why I feel so tired. I have been eating pretty well. The week end eventually caught up with me this morning and I am up frigging 700 grams *gag*. Was nice that my body didn't reflect it yesterday, I am guessing this *blegh* mood has some thing to do with the weight gain.

Anyhoo birthday over the rest of my life of calorie restricting ahead. Planning meals, counting every gram of food, daily weigh in's, exercise oh and more exercise. Some times I wonder what it is all about, why bother? No matter how low my calorie intake my stupid body just decides to pick up weight. Upping my daily intake just makes me feel like crap. Every one keeps saying "but how can you only eat 700 cal per day??" Well the answer is if I give my god damned body any more it bloody shows on the scale.

Why can I not maintain my weight with a slightly higher calorie intake? I can understand having to restrict to loose weight but now why do I have to restrict to such a point just to keep my weight stable? I don't understand ...

Dreams

Today is my birthday ... Yay me. I turned 34 today. I don't feel 34 and most people don't think I look 34 which is a good thing I guess.

Last night I had a dream that my body asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I asked it to be 41.5kg's (91.3 pounds) this morning. After a rather sinful week-end I guess I expected to be up but I think my body listened to me in my dream or as close as it could get. I was 41.7kg's (91.7 pounds) this morning.

My hubby also asked me this morning if I would maintain my weight for a while, that he feels I am looking too skinny. So I guess for now I will try to maintain this weigh. I am quite happy here and I think it will be a good idea to try to stick to it for a few months. See how it goes. Also we are going into winter as I have discussed before and I get very cold so it may be an idea to keep at this weight and let my body settle down. I weigh a lot less than I have weighed in many years for winter so I guess it would be quite a shock to my body. Funny thing is I actually don't feel much thinner and I really think I could stand to loose at least another 2 kg's.

Hubby took me out to lunch to my absolute fav restaurant in the whole world. It is a Thai restaurant. I had prawn soup starter and the seafood salad as my main. Calorie total worked out around 400 for lunch. I think this is pretty good considering. As I am not 100% sure what all goes into the food and I had to merely guess from the ingredients what the calorie intake is I am going to work on around double that and have a very light dinner just in case ... but oh my gosh it was so worth it and I still feel full. BUT if we had to take it at the value of what I put in and I really think I am a good gauge of weights now. Only thing I had a problem was is oil. It was a very light soup, clear but total oil I put down as 10grams. Salad again very light and the dressing did not mention oil although I did add for that too just in case. What I was trying to say through that ramble is that it is not so difficult to choose low calorie meals even going to restaurants if you wish to loose weight.

Other wise all in all so far I have had the best birthday in a very long time (oh wait I say that every year ha). This year however I feel so good (and healthy) and thanks to my hubby really spoilt, I am lucky to have such a wonderful husband.

Goals

Amazingly enough my goal weight is just in sight ... I have 1.5 pounds (700 grams) to loose to get there ... what are the chances I can do this by Tuesday 29 April I wonder? This will put me at my goal weight of 90.2 pounds (41 kg's) quite a head rush (thrill is possibly a better word) I have to tell you. A week ago I would have sworn that the fat monster was about to get me.

So here we have it I have been really good all week. We went out for lunch yesterday I had my usual grilled Calamari Salad, I did not feel like dinner so I skipped it. My body seems to have slowed down it's drastic weight loss again but the total is 7.3 pounds (3.3kgs) this week. But considering that the majority of those pounds was actually accumulated hormonal weight I guess you could actually say it is more like 1 pound actual loss which is not much. But I am closer to my goal which if fabulous! My BMI is 16.8 but my body fat % is 9.5 which is really kewl. Even when I get to 90.2 pounds my BMI will only be 16.5 which is really not very underweight at all.

On another note. I am patiently awaiting the arrival of the Nintendo Wii Fit ... I was told by the store that they were receiving delivery today. Some how I do not expect that I will get the phone call to come collect *sigh*. I actually have butterflies in my tummy I am so excited but I just KNOW that I will have a few more days wait .... and another huge *sigh*!

Routine

I thought I should put down my routine here to remind me.

Pre-Breakfast: 1-2 cups of black filter coffee.
Breakfast: Smoothy, you can find the recipe further down but I do vary it depending on what fruit I have and what flavor I feel like. Usually around 500g at around 200 cal. It is pretty balanced with loads of fibre and really yummy!!! Take vitamins.
Lunch: Depends on what I feel like, it can be anything from vegetable soup to a hot dog made with whole wheat bread or a salad or even my special rye bread "pizza". Around 200-300 cal.
Dinner: Same as Lunch but I work out how many calories I have had and adjust what I eat depending on my days calorie intake. I also take into account how high my percentages are for protein / carb / fat and how my vitamins and nutrient levels are looking. Like last night I had low fat hot chocolate with protein powder mixed in and some fruit. Around 100-300 cal depending how high I want my calorie intake to be for the day.

Calorie average per day any where from 300 - 1000 but usually around 500 at the moment as I am still trying to get to goal weight. I try to alternate between one low cal day and one high cal day.

Exercise: Walking for 1/2 hour per day, Nintendo Wii for 1 - 3 hours per day. Horse riding for 1 hour 3-4 times per week.
Water: Minimum 2 litres per day.

Binging has totally stopped now. I feel balanced and my cravings have subsided.

Ok, now WTF?

Howwwwwly heck I have no idea what my body is up to? I get on the scale this morning and I am down to 92.4 pounds (42 kg's). I mean this in a good way, I am really stoked about the loss as I have not exactly been the perfect little calorie counter of late. So yeah I am feeling over the moon, which brings me to thinking ... is a little binging every now and again a good thing in the grand scheme of things?

Over the week end I actually scoured cupboards hunting down chocolate believe it or not. I probably found around 70 grams all together which I guiltily scoffed down. I didn't purge either. I have been really good about that.

My calories have been around 700 - 1000 and some days even more. Then this week I have been kind of good around 400 - 700ish for three or so days and then this weight loss suddenly. I think my metabolism just needed a bit of a boost. I hear this is rather important. If you bounce around your calorie intake your body has no clue what is going on and doesn't go into starvation mode ... or well that is what I have heard. So perhaps inadvertently I jump started my metabolism after plateauing.

So all in all a good week, the spirits are high, my body is full of energy and things are looking good that I may actually be close-ish to my goal weight for my birthday.

Ok, what the heck?

So after two weeks of bitc'in, complan'in, grumbl'in, moan'in bad moods, tantrums, sulks and general disappointment I give up on my stress over weight and food. Both yesterday and this morning I get on the scale and I am down to 94.5 pounds (43kg's). I know it is not the lightest I have been but I am not far off again with less than a pound to loose to get back there.

I have not really been terribly strict on myself recently, have been watching calories but not exactly starving myself or over exercising and voila back to a weight I can cope with again. My skinny jeans fit me comfy and I have a huge grin on my face, feeling confident and happy.

Hubby and I went to an office warming of a client's last night. I was pretty good considering the wonderful yummy (read that as disgustingly fattening) food they had. I stuck to the smoked salmon and cream cheese on potato pancakes which rang me up a total of around 600 calories *gasp*. They were oh so worth it though ... absolutely delicious and some thing I certainly will incorporate as a nice dinner in future, hubby loved them.

Some thing that came out of last night that I found interesting. When hubby mentioned that I was on a "diet" people commented: "But WHY you are so small??". Firstly I am not on a diet, I watch my weight and yes I hope to loose a few pounds yet but I consider CRON a way of life, of eating healthy for my health. Perhaps I am a little obsessive over it but just remember that this blog IS specifically about this side of my life so what I write here is naturally obsessive about the subject. However this comment strikes me as rather amusing as I HAVE to work on my body daily to look the way I do, if I didn't well then I would be a lot heavier, so why make that kind of comment. Obviously I have to watch my calorie intake, exercises regularly and keep a check on all of this to look the way I do. It is a work in progress just like body builders or gymnasts or ballerina's or athletes are obsessed with their diets and exercises. It's not like I can walk into a shop and purchase a certain weight. So just because I am not one of the above mentioned and just a "normal" person I do not have the right to look the way I do? That working on my body is in some way wrong?

Motivation

I am in a happy place.

This is a problem as my motivation for weight loss is when I am stressed, upset or unhappy. Funny thing that when things are good my body screams for food. When things are bad I simply cannot eat.

Well I ain't going to go make myself depressed to loose weight and I cannot seem to find the motivation to stick to a "fall over and die starving" no calorie intake. I seem to have stabilised around 97 pounds (44kg's) now with a calorie intake of 700 - 1000 per day. I would really like to have stabilised at a lower weight though. I feel rather heavy at this weight, I feel chubby and ewww. Like my body is slathered in a layer of blubber.

Well we shall see how things go this week, I have decided to give up on the idea of a goal right now. I have my prelim tattoo design consultation tomorrow. I promised myself I would not do this if I was not down to at least 93 pounds. Well looks like I am going to break my promise to myself.

Our weather is getting colder and colder, I am craving warm fatty food. Stupid hibernation mood has set in preparing for winter. I seem to get way too cold when I weigh 93 pounds, I think my body has baulked at that.

Food obsession

I am pretty sure this "food obsession" I have is in fact doing the opposite of what I want to do.

Counting calories, having to monitor every single thing that goes into my mouth has made things worse for me. I constantly think of food, I constantly worry about what the scale will say and it is actually pissing me off.

With thinking of food all the time and planning my next meal I am causing myself to binge uncontrollably. I have never done this before. Last night after working really hard and having a great low cal day. I sat down and ate a huge bowl of oats ... WTF?

It's like my mind is sabotaging me or some thing. Before I became "obsessed" with trying to eat healthy I think I actually ate a whole lot less. Well the proof is that I lost a fair amount of weight by just eating only when I was hungry.

Now I am not hungry but I am already plotting what I should eat today ... STUPID or what?

So for the next week I am going to try to go back to how things were before ... eat when hungry, when I eat I will make it healthy low fat food. I will not weigh myself until next week Friday and see what happens.

Now I have all these low cal muffins, fruit, veg the fridge is stocked with all these good foods and yet it taunts me as I have to ration myself constantly.

I swear to god every time I look at the fridge those god damn muffins start up a mantra of "eat me, eat me!!!"

So out went the muffins, out went all the "low cal - good snacks" that I had baked. That is food that I do not ordinarily eat.

Back to basics ...

Breakfast will be fruit & maple water.
Lunch will be smoothy or soup.
Dinner will be salad.

Keep it simple, get rid of the snacks and lets try it again.

Milkshake

I have recently started trying to begin the day off with a healthy breakfast especially one that is high in fibre to fill me up so this morning I tried some thing new ...

A really yummy milkshake:

100g papaya
30g no fat milk or lite fruit juice
150g no fat natural yogurt
5g Psyllium husks
10g Whey powder
A couple of ice blocks
Blended in a smoothy maker or food processor.

Calories: 150 = 15.7g protein, 21.8g carbs, 5.4g fibre, 1.8g fat

It gave me a large portion of my needed protein and fibre and completely filled me up. Was tasty too.

I find if I do not have a filling breakfast and try to skip to eating only at around 11 am or so my desire for food in the evening is much stronger. So I am now trying to have a good meal early. We shall see how it goes.

I lost 200g since yesterday (still have 4.6 pounds to loose in 10 days) so I am back on track and feeling far more positive today. I think my period really came at a bad time. I defiantly seem to get overly emotional, depressed and or course have zero will power. I also get terribly lazy and do not feel like exercising at all. Well I am now up to a whole 5 minutes of skipping with out falling over exhausted. I have hung the skipping rope next to the microwave, every time I wander into the kitchen I plan to do 5 minutes of skipping ... that could add up to quite a bit LOL.

I have worked out my day and it is looking good at around 400 cal even though we are going out for lunch. Our regular restaurant is very good to me, they prepare the most amazing calamari / squid salad with no dressing.

I was reading up yesterday that a few small meals through out the day boosts the metabolism rather than trying to limit to one or two meals a day.