Bad bad bad

(Insert crap here that I deleted - it involves those closest to me, power games, nastyness etc) Of course it is ALL my fault as per usual.

... and I am going into the "starve" mood ... wish us luck and hopefully we all survive at the end of this "STUPID HATE IT" holiday season.

I am down but not skeletal yet HA! Perhaps by next week if the dark mood continues.
Hugs to you all ...
O30T

Shopping

I went shopping yesterday for T-shirts ... I got some really nice tight fitting ones, all Organic cotton and really comfortable.

Our spring as usual is windy and not exactly warm but I don't really have any T-shirts that fit me and they look so good with my skinny jeans so hopefully I will soon be able to wear them with out jumpers over.

My weight is looking good and I am feeling incredibly positive at 42.8kg's / 94.2pounds this morning ... I am looking forward to seeing 42kg's again though. And there it will stop ... I don't really want to go below 42 again. People start to complain (rolls eyes).

We have lunch tomorrow with family at a greek restuarant so this should be a good test of my will power ... can I say no to dessert?

I hope so, I am feeling so good and 42 is just in my grasp again after 2 weeks of good eating, there is no point in ruining it now.

One step at a time

Things are still up and down really but getting much better.

I am down to 43kg's / 94.6 pounds which I think is a good slow weight loss over all and considering there have been a few stumblers for me.

What I am most happy about is that I am back to 3 meals a day and keeping it pretty healthy. For the first time in months we went out for lunch yesterday and I had the will power to say no to dessert.

My body is looking good again and I am starting to feel comfortable in my skin.

My husband has asked me not to drop below 42kg's / 92.4 pounds so I guess technically speaking I only have 1kg to loose.

The problem I find is then maintaining ... I usually drop below and then struggle to get back up. It becomes a roller coaster ride of not finding a balance.

Here is hoping I can find a balance to maintain at 42 ... when I get there of course LOL.

Going ... going .... (waiting for the gone!)

Well blow me down with a feather, I am 42.6 kg's this morning.

Just a few days back on CRON and such a quick weight loss?

Such a struggle for 3 months to get my eating back under control and my body kindly rewards me for my healthy eating and exercise regime again by rewarding me on the scale.

OK I do know this is simply just a "trick" because you cannot possibly loose fat so quickly. I know that I need to continue this for a good few weeks before we get back to my clothes fitting better again.

Which brings me to the quick fix fast diets that do the rounds usually in Spring / early summer. Most people loose a few pounds with a healthy or some times not so healthy diet and then think *whoot* I can go back to eating just the way I did.

And what happens? Voila in just a few short days / weeks they pick it all back up again. That is simply because the scale has a way of tricking you into thinking that you lost the weight when actually all you lost was a bit of water and some times muscle mass. So to actually LOOSE weight permanently one really needs to eat healthy, have a variety of foods and up your exercise permanently! However once you are a little under your Goal Weight you can start to add more calorie higher foods like cheese or bread to the low calorie diet, to ease your body back into a higher calorie but still keeping the healthy habits.

I have to admit though I am not terribly good about this ... I tend towards the all or nothing so either its healthy low cal or way too much of the other stuff. Though I must say I do still try to at least have my wonderful organically grown vegetables from my garden at least twice per day (even when I am binge eating).

*sigh* oh well let's see how it goes I am feeling pretty positive and far more in control again. Even though this weight loss was over my period ... I do still feel a bit bloated and it's taking a while still to get my energy levels back up.

Anyhow ... happy spring to me! My body rocks, I am grateful that it has given me this little boost of self confidence to get me started back on CRON and healthy eating.

Breaking the habbit

I am day 3 into the "back to CRON" seriously. I have already parted company with 1 pound ... obviously water weight but still I am already feeling so much better. Again my night sweating has totally stopped, I feel lighter and have more energy.

Chocolate and I have parted company, I think this has been my biggest issue quite frankly, I became a chocoholic over the past weeks. Breaking this habit has been harder than giving up alcohol LOL. I am being strong, I know only 3 days but I have the will power ... well at least I think I do hahaha! The motivation right now is not waking up with drenched bed sheets and of course that feeling of funk that comes in it's wake. I have not really had a craving for chocolate yet.

I still have "issues" surrounding food. I have no problem not eating but once I start I simply cannot stop. I think this has to be addressed and I have no idea why this huge appetite / compulsive "over eating" is an issue. Again this is another cause of the night sweating and feeling of lethargy. Once I go into huge amounts of calories during the day my body tries to cope by over heating at night.

Right now I am feeling a lot better 42.8kg's (94.2 pounds) and counting down. I think I could nail it back to 41kg's (90 pounds) in 4 weeks ... then I start all over again trying to find a balance to maintain.

Time

Good grief where does the time go??? I look around and an entire week has disappeared.

These past few days have simply been unbelievably hectic and I am glad they are over. I have been unbelievably stressed.

Stress has always been a major weight loss factor for me. I am one of those ... "I don't have time to eat" types. So I have gone slightly under my GW despite when I have eaten it has generally been really high calorie foods like lasagna, croutons, chocolate mousse, chocolate, sweets and things that as a health conscious person I really should be eating in moderation BUT the last few days it seems that is all I have had time for.

I have been tracking my calorie intake on CRON and some days it ventured as high as 3000 calories *gasp* but with the stress I seem to have burned it off at just as rapidly. I guess if I was just sitting behind a PC all day I would have gone up in weight but I have been running around like a lunatic.

Due to the time constraints I have not been getting to my Yoga or Wii and I really miss it. I hope to start again today. This brings me to a bit of a quandary that I face...

Every time I get onto the Wii it tells me "too low / underweight" my Hubby has a near fit. Now despite my extra eating I have lost a few grams so I am hesitant to step onto the Wii for fear of him having a thrombosis. Some people fear getting on a scale because they may have picked up weight ... I have this fear because my husband has made my weight into such an issue. Despite his constant negative comments about my small frame he continues to tell me I am "obsessed with food and constantly eating" ...

Ok, now WTF?

Howwwwwly heck I have no idea what my body is up to? I get on the scale this morning and I am down to 92.4 pounds (42 kg's). I mean this in a good way, I am really stoked about the loss as I have not exactly been the perfect little calorie counter of late. So yeah I am feeling over the moon, which brings me to thinking ... is a little binging every now and again a good thing in the grand scheme of things?

Over the week end I actually scoured cupboards hunting down chocolate believe it or not. I probably found around 70 grams all together which I guiltily scoffed down. I didn't purge either. I have been really good about that.

My calories have been around 700 - 1000 and some days even more. Then this week I have been kind of good around 400 - 700ish for three or so days and then this weight loss suddenly. I think my metabolism just needed a bit of a boost. I hear this is rather important. If you bounce around your calorie intake your body has no clue what is going on and doesn't go into starvation mode ... or well that is what I have heard. So perhaps inadvertently I jump started my metabolism after plateauing.

So all in all a good week, the spirits are high, my body is full of energy and things are looking good that I may actually be close-ish to my goal weight for my birthday.