Once upon a very long long time ago I used to religiously participate in HNT (half nekkid thursday). It was an absolute highlight of my week. Planning the pics, setting it up, getting the right lighting, editing and then going to check out every one elses contributions. HNT is very empowering, it gives one affirmation and confidence... I miss it a bit.
A little while ago I sent OS (who I have always remained in contact with over the years "Hi OS!" - such a teddy bear of a man *hugs*) some pics of my progress and what do you know he put one up on the hnt annon site - it is not the first time I have appeared there - always the most modest and covered up of the bunch LOL ... BUT what really blew my mind was a comment by a fellow blogger. It is the first comment - if you can figure out which pic is mine :). Wow it has been a while since I got such a nice comment on my body. So if that person wanders in here ... thank you, you have no idea how much I needed that comment!
Funny thing is last night hubby & I watched the Matrix (first one) again. I have for ever lusted over Carrie-Anne Moss's body and I made mention of this yesterday to Hubby when we were doing our morning walk. Last night he actually said I had a very similar body now to hers, and he said it in a good way. I think perhaps for the first time he could compare my body to a woman that he too finds very attractive, it seemed to shift his perspective.
I have settled in to my weight and feeling really good about it, absolutely fantastic and I can tell you just these two comments have given me so much positive energy I am almost tingling!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Fabulous
I am feeling absolutely fabulous ... full of energy, creativity and literally glowing.
I cannot believe the difference I am feeling. I would put this down to being back on CRON again. A week ago I was depressed, moody and practically climbing down into a deep dark pit. Of course my period must have had some influence on it but still.
I have been pretty good with CRON but specifically getting my balances right again. I feel on top of the world, even after a pretty high calorie week end. I feel like I am back in my own body again. Even though still holding at 42kg's it is a much lighter leaner feeling 42. I don't quite know how to explain that.
Funny enough a friend of mine came round. She has been on at me about how skinny I am. We got her onto the Wii and she did her BMI ... her's and mine are pretty much the same. Well that just shut every one up LOL. My feelings on this is that I am a lean muscular build and even though she goes to gym a lot I obviously have a far lower body fat %, thus weigh heavier than I look (muscle is heavier than fat). Was very interesting. I also seem to be able to eat a whole lot more than her ... but then again I have swapped eating calories for drinking them through alcohol. I think another reason for this is that I burn up a lot more calories due to my heavier muscle mass. Personally I prefer the way my body is and I like listening to it. It seems to know what it needs ... though the past few weeks have certainly been a bit of a roller coaster. Chocolate, Ice Cream, Cookies, hmmmmm I think it got a bit confused.
I cannot believe the difference I am feeling. I would put this down to being back on CRON again. A week ago I was depressed, moody and practically climbing down into a deep dark pit. Of course my period must have had some influence on it but still.
I have been pretty good with CRON but specifically getting my balances right again. I feel on top of the world, even after a pretty high calorie week end. I feel like I am back in my own body again. Even though still holding at 42kg's it is a much lighter leaner feeling 42. I don't quite know how to explain that.
Funny enough a friend of mine came round. She has been on at me about how skinny I am. We got her onto the Wii and she did her BMI ... her's and mine are pretty much the same. Well that just shut every one up LOL. My feelings on this is that I am a lean muscular build and even though she goes to gym a lot I obviously have a far lower body fat %, thus weigh heavier than I look (muscle is heavier than fat). Was very interesting. I also seem to be able to eat a whole lot more than her ... but then again I have swapped eating calories for drinking them through alcohol. I think another reason for this is that I burn up a lot more calories due to my heavier muscle mass. Personally I prefer the way my body is and I like listening to it. It seems to know what it needs ... though the past few weeks have certainly been a bit of a roller coaster. Chocolate, Ice Cream, Cookies, hmmmmm I think it got a bit confused.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Keeping it real
So I have been keeping it around 1000 - 1500 cal per day for the past few days. Trying to keep my balance between protein, carb & good fat ... seems to have worked.
Firstly my period arrived so probably a really good reason for the "blues" that have been affecting me for a week or so.
Secondly the constant better eating has definitely improved things ... I feel so much lighter, the sweating at night has stopped and I just feel healthier, with out any weight loss though which is important. I feel energised again, shew it amazes me how bad eating can affect one. The other thing is how much better hubby & I are actually getting along now that I am feeling so much better.
Anyhow on some thing completely different ... I sit here with a glass of champers and orange juice in front of me. This morning we went on an hours private jet flight, wow ... all I can say is wow. So this is how the rich and famous feel huh? It was like sitting on cloud 9 ... hubby & I were the only passengers in a US$17 mil plane. We felt like royalty ... what an experience.
As I have mentioned before I no longer drink but sorrrrrrry this deserves a little glass of bubbly to celebrate!
Firstly my period arrived so probably a really good reason for the "blues" that have been affecting me for a week or so.
Secondly the constant better eating has definitely improved things ... I feel so much lighter, the sweating at night has stopped and I just feel healthier, with out any weight loss though which is important. I feel energised again, shew it amazes me how bad eating can affect one. The other thing is how much better hubby & I are actually getting along now that I am feeling so much better.
Anyhow on some thing completely different ... I sit here with a glass of champers and orange juice in front of me. This morning we went on an hours private jet flight, wow ... all I can say is wow. So this is how the rich and famous feel huh? It was like sitting on cloud 9 ... hubby & I were the only passengers in a US$17 mil plane. We felt like royalty ... what an experience.
As I have mentioned before I no longer drink but sorrrrrrry this deserves a little glass of bubbly to celebrate!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Bad space
I have not been in the best head space recently.
I am not so sure why, life I guess. Things are rather depressing, finances suck and I just feel like I am in a bit of a hole quite frankly. Hubby is also not in the best of moods lately so I guess that has affected me. However I am trying to pull myself right again. I try my hardest not to show my emotions so that hubby does not have me to worry about as well ... that upsets him.
I have not been eating terribly healthy .... it has been weeks now that I have not exactly been doing CRON. I am eating quite high calorie and I would really like to get back to a lower cal intake. I miss it and the effects on my body health wise have not been great. I have less energy, I sweat terribly at night and I just don't feel good. Weight gain has not really been a factor but I don't really like being this weight ... I feel really heavy and bloated at 42kg's (92.4 pounds). I simply think that it has mostly to do with the high calories and lower nutrition diet. I am going to try this week to keep under 1000 cal per day, I am pretty sure by the end of the week I will be feeling SO much better! That and the fact that I have re-done our house hold budget and have pretty much cut every thing, by August we should be able to survive the month again.
I am not so sure why, life I guess. Things are rather depressing, finances suck and I just feel like I am in a bit of a hole quite frankly. Hubby is also not in the best of moods lately so I guess that has affected me. However I am trying to pull myself right again. I try my hardest not to show my emotions so that hubby does not have me to worry about as well ... that upsets him.
I have not been eating terribly healthy .... it has been weeks now that I have not exactly been doing CRON. I am eating quite high calorie and I would really like to get back to a lower cal intake. I miss it and the effects on my body health wise have not been great. I have less energy, I sweat terribly at night and I just don't feel good. Weight gain has not really been a factor but I don't really like being this weight ... I feel really heavy and bloated at 42kg's (92.4 pounds). I simply think that it has mostly to do with the high calories and lower nutrition diet. I am going to try this week to keep under 1000 cal per day, I am pretty sure by the end of the week I will be feeling SO much better! That and the fact that I have re-done our house hold budget and have pretty much cut every thing, by August we should be able to survive the month again.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Best cookies in the world
No I am not going to share the recipe for a change ....
I am still busy perfecting the recipe but I can tell you these happen to be the best cookies in the world. They are a ginger & oats type cookie and what inspired me to try my hand at cookie making is the incredible increase in food costs, my husband is addicted to these cookies from our local food store but the price made them a luxury item. Recently I have been faced with having to cut down on general home spendature and well luxury items are one of the things that needed cutting, hence also my hand at making my own yogurt the outcome of which I will get to a little further down.
Of course being ever calorie conscious I managed to cut the calories against the original by 113 per 100 grams and am looking at ways to bring the calories down even further while increasing their nutritional content. Right now I have the basic recipe and am looking for ways to improve on them. As such they are VERY yummy but I am sure there is room for improvement. In my humble opinion I have also improved on taste ... they are crispy yet still soft ... a texture I am yet to have ever found in a store bought cookie. I think my husband will approve because although he likes the crunchy type one that I buy, he likes to wait a few days of the packet being open until they are chewy. Of course the ones I made were hand rolled individually so they are not a uniform flatness, I think I should try rolling the dough out with a pin and then cutting them to see what a difference this makes. Progress will of course be blogged about as I still have two rounds of dough to make 9 cookies each, left in the fridge.
Now onto my yogurt ... hmmmm not quite the turn out I had hoped for on my first try but not bad considering. Firstly I do believe that I need for the yogurt to stay in the warmth a bit longer, I left mine in for around 8 hours and it is the consistency of drinking yogurt as well as having quite a mild flavour. Very yummy drinking yogurt but all the same not nice and thick like I had hoped, so I hope a longer time will thicken it up a little. I used fat free milk as well as fat free yogurt to start with so perhaps this has some thing to do with it, I did not add any powder milks or thickeners and I may just try some soy milk powder next time around to add protein as well as possibly thicken it up a bit. My cats are on anti-biotics at the moment and they seem to LOVE the stuff so they can help me finish this first batch. Again I will blog on the progress of this.
In other news my slight weight gain has my darling husband smiling, I am now up to 42kg's - 92.4 pounds = BMI is just under 17. I am not particularly happy with the way my body looks and do sincerely prefer a lower weight BUT I am not the one who has to cuddle up to me at night.
I am still busy perfecting the recipe but I can tell you these happen to be the best cookies in the world. They are a ginger & oats type cookie and what inspired me to try my hand at cookie making is the incredible increase in food costs, my husband is addicted to these cookies from our local food store but the price made them a luxury item. Recently I have been faced with having to cut down on general home spendature and well luxury items are one of the things that needed cutting, hence also my hand at making my own yogurt the outcome of which I will get to a little further down.
Of course being ever calorie conscious I managed to cut the calories against the original by 113 per 100 grams and am looking at ways to bring the calories down even further while increasing their nutritional content. Right now I have the basic recipe and am looking for ways to improve on them. As such they are VERY yummy but I am sure there is room for improvement. In my humble opinion I have also improved on taste ... they are crispy yet still soft ... a texture I am yet to have ever found in a store bought cookie. I think my husband will approve because although he likes the crunchy type one that I buy, he likes to wait a few days of the packet being open until they are chewy. Of course the ones I made were hand rolled individually so they are not a uniform flatness, I think I should try rolling the dough out with a pin and then cutting them to see what a difference this makes. Progress will of course be blogged about as I still have two rounds of dough to make 9 cookies each, left in the fridge.
Now onto my yogurt ... hmmmm not quite the turn out I had hoped for on my first try but not bad considering. Firstly I do believe that I need for the yogurt to stay in the warmth a bit longer, I left mine in for around 8 hours and it is the consistency of drinking yogurt as well as having quite a mild flavour. Very yummy drinking yogurt but all the same not nice and thick like I had hoped, so I hope a longer time will thicken it up a little. I used fat free milk as well as fat free yogurt to start with so perhaps this has some thing to do with it, I did not add any powder milks or thickeners and I may just try some soy milk powder next time around to add protein as well as possibly thicken it up a bit. My cats are on anti-biotics at the moment and they seem to LOVE the stuff so they can help me finish this first batch. Again I will blog on the progress of this.
In other news my slight weight gain has my darling husband smiling, I am now up to 42kg's - 92.4 pounds = BMI is just under 17. I am not particularly happy with the way my body looks and do sincerely prefer a lower weight BUT I am not the one who has to cuddle up to me at night.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Price paid
I have been taught by my body that binging especially a 2 week long binge is not some thing it can deal with. After eating healthy and carefully for months now ... processed, junk food is most certainly not for me. My calorie intake was between 2000 - 3000 per day on mostly complete crap. My body rebelled some thing horrid.
I have pimples, my hair is lank, my skin is dry, and my tummy is in knots and totally bloated which has made me feel lethargic and really heavy.
I have not picked up much weight for it ... about 1kg = 2.2 pounds. For this weight gain I feel like crap quite frankly.
The reasons for my binging is because my hubby wanted me to gain weigh, also demanded that I stop CRON. I went into free fall. This screwed me up in more ways than one and I feel absolutely crap for it.
I don't think my hubby understands that CRON actually works for me, gives me the energy I need while keeping my body in very good physical condition even if a bit underweight. I simply cannot deal with the kinds of food he eats and I cannot cope with how my body feels when I loose control of my eating. He complained that I am constantly tired again ... WOW big revelation coming here ... he tells me to get off CRON which was working really well for me and then complains when I start binging on "bad" food which causes my body to literally shut down.
NO! I cannot do this on my own ... I do not have the control necessary to keep me on a healthy diet with out the program to assist me. It helps me make decisions as to what to eat, how much to eat and where I am missing certain things in my diet.
I have pimples, my hair is lank, my skin is dry, and my tummy is in knots and totally bloated which has made me feel lethargic and really heavy.
I have not picked up much weight for it ... about 1kg = 2.2 pounds. For this weight gain I feel like crap quite frankly.
The reasons for my binging is because my hubby wanted me to gain weigh, also demanded that I stop CRON. I went into free fall. This screwed me up in more ways than one and I feel absolutely crap for it.
I don't think my hubby understands that CRON actually works for me, gives me the energy I need while keeping my body in very good physical condition even if a bit underweight. I simply cannot deal with the kinds of food he eats and I cannot cope with how my body feels when I loose control of my eating. He complained that I am constantly tired again ... WOW big revelation coming here ... he tells me to get off CRON which was working really well for me and then complains when I start binging on "bad" food which causes my body to literally shut down.
NO! I cannot do this on my own ... I do not have the control necessary to keep me on a healthy diet with out the program to assist me. It helps me make decisions as to what to eat, how much to eat and where I am missing certain things in my diet.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Lost ...
I have written here a lot of the "outside" of me ... a lot of the outside is a reflection of the inside.
I am lost ... I am lost and I am alone. I don't have much, just a body to hide inside. All my emotions, all of my feelings, all of my thoughts, all of my idea's, all of me is inside this body. All of these things are made to feel small and insignificant ...
I hope my body can reflect that.
I am lost ... I am lost and I am alone. I don't have much, just a body to hide inside. All my emotions, all of my feelings, all of my thoughts, all of my idea's, all of me is inside this body. All of these things are made to feel small and insignificant ...
I hope my body can reflect that.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
A touch of OCD?
I have re-organised our changing room. It is a smallish bedroom next to our bathroom which has been a "mess" for a rather long time. Over the week-end I got in there and started tidying up. It stared off with my purchasing a very nice chrome shelving system actually and with that I went out and bought another two ... one of which ended up in our lounge for our TV electronics, also a bit of a "mess" for a rather long time.
The problem is once I get into this mood of sorting and tidying I get this itch to tidy, organise and clean every single room. I lie in bed at night "cleaning, organising and tidying rooms" which results in little sleep until the room is done to my satisfaction.... I have had little sleep in the past few days.
I also absolutely LOVE doing the dishes these days ... no idea where this comes from as my best friend in the kitchen has always been my little dishwasher.
The problem is once I get into this mood of sorting and tidying I get this itch to tidy, organise and clean every single room. I lie in bed at night "cleaning, organising and tidying rooms" which results in little sleep until the room is done to my satisfaction.... I have had little sleep in the past few days.
I also absolutely LOVE doing the dishes these days ... no idea where this comes from as my best friend in the kitchen has always been my little dishwasher.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Back to routine
It seems my binging is now over and I am back into my routine. After over 3000 calories yesterday (we were out to lunch with family) I simply am not even hungry today. I forced down fruit & yogurt. My binging and period *time* seem to coincide, wow what an epiphany Ha!
Our local health shop is having issues with their yogurt supplier so I have been looking into making yogurt myself. I am just finishing up some yogurt that I had to buy from the supermarket and then I am going to try my hand at making my own ... I like this recipe:
This is a basic recipe for homemade yogurt using commercial full fat milk.
INGREDIENTS:
1 quart of full fat sheep or cow's milk (pasteurized)
2 tablespoons of previously homemade yogurt or plain unflavored yogurt at room temperature
2 tablespoons of full fat milk (same type) at room temperature
PREPARATION:
Heat the milk just to the boiling point and pour into a non-metal container.
Let cool to lukewarm (100-105F). A skin will form on top.
Mix the 2 tablespoons of yogurt (homemade or commercial) with 2 tablespoons of milk.
Add to the lukewarm mixture, carefully pouring down the side so that any skin that may have formed on top is not disturbed.
Cover with a clean dishtowel and place on another towel in a warm, dry place for at least 8 hours (or overnight) until it thickens.
Note: 8 to 12 hours is best.
I will probably try it with fat free milk and see how it comes out. All yogurt recipe's are pretty much the same. The only thing I found different was if using fat free milk then the addition of fat free powder milk is a good idea, also makes the yogurt thicker in the end. I would need to take a look and see what the difference in calories would really make should the addition of powder milk be done. Perhaps lower fat but higher protein?
Our local health shop is having issues with their yogurt supplier so I have been looking into making yogurt myself. I am just finishing up some yogurt that I had to buy from the supermarket and then I am going to try my hand at making my own ... I like this recipe:
This is a basic recipe for homemade yogurt using commercial full fat milk.
INGREDIENTS:
1 quart of full fat sheep or cow's milk (pasteurized)
2 tablespoons of previously homemade yogurt or plain unflavored yogurt at room temperature
2 tablespoons of full fat milk (same type) at room temperature
PREPARATION:
Heat the milk just to the boiling point and pour into a non-metal container.
Let cool to lukewarm (100-105F). A skin will form on top.
Mix the 2 tablespoons of yogurt (homemade or commercial) with 2 tablespoons of milk.
Add to the lukewarm mixture, carefully pouring down the side so that any skin that may have formed on top is not disturbed.
Cover with a clean dishtowel and place on another towel in a warm, dry place for at least 8 hours (or overnight) until it thickens.
Note: 8 to 12 hours is best.
I will probably try it with fat free milk and see how it comes out. All yogurt recipe's are pretty much the same. The only thing I found different was if using fat free milk then the addition of fat free powder milk is a good idea, also makes the yogurt thicker in the end. I would need to take a look and see what the difference in calories would really make should the addition of powder milk be done. Perhaps lower fat but higher protein?
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Chicken bake
My new favorite meal at the moment ....
200 g Large brown mushrooms sliced into large chunks
30g Onion chopped
50g Cooked Chicken breast shredded
100g Tined tomato
70g Low calorie cheese sauce
2 g Cayenne pepper.
Pre-heat oven to 180 C or 360 F. In an oven proof bowl layer the ingredients in order as above.
Cook for 15 minutes. Ensure the cheese sauce grills slightly.
Calories: 150 (11g protein, 17g carb & 5g fat)
My binging has started to catch up to me ... WOW, I am up to 42kg's this morning. I will have to make amends and get back down a bit. I don't like being this high, I cannot let things slide.
200 g Large brown mushrooms sliced into large chunks
30g Onion chopped
50g Cooked Chicken breast shredded
100g Tined tomato
70g Low calorie cheese sauce
2 g Cayenne pepper.
Pre-heat oven to 180 C or 360 F. In an oven proof bowl layer the ingredients in order as above.
Cook for 15 minutes. Ensure the cheese sauce grills slightly.
Calories: 150 (11g protein, 17g carb & 5g fat)
My binging has started to catch up to me ... WOW, I am up to 42kg's this morning. I will have to make amends and get back down a bit. I don't like being this high, I cannot let things slide.
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