Price paid

I have been taught by my body that binging especially a 2 week long binge is not some thing it can deal with. After eating healthy and carefully for months now ... processed, junk food is most certainly not for me. My calorie intake was between 2000 - 3000 per day on mostly complete crap. My body rebelled some thing horrid.

I have pimples, my hair is lank, my skin is dry, and my tummy is in knots and totally bloated which has made me feel lethargic and really heavy.

I have not picked up much weight for it ... about 1kg = 2.2 pounds. For this weight gain I feel like crap quite frankly.

The reasons for my binging is because my hubby wanted me to gain weigh, also demanded that I stop CRON. I went into free fall. This screwed me up in more ways than one and I feel absolutely crap for it.

I don't think my hubby understands that CRON actually works for me, gives me the energy I need while keeping my body in very good physical condition even if a bit underweight. I simply cannot deal with the kinds of food he eats and I cannot cope with how my body feels when I loose control of my eating. He complained that I am constantly tired again ... WOW big revelation coming here ... he tells me to get off CRON which was working really well for me and then complains when I start binging on "bad" food which causes my body to literally shut down.

NO! I cannot do this on my own ... I do not have the control necessary to keep me on a healthy diet with out the program to assist me. It helps me make decisions as to what to eat, how much to eat and where I am missing certain things in my diet.

Back to routine

It seems my binging is now over and I am back into my routine. After over 3000 calories yesterday (we were out to lunch with family) I simply am not even hungry today. I forced down fruit & yogurt. My binging and period *time* seem to coincide, wow what an epiphany Ha!

Our local health shop is having issues with their yogurt supplier so I have been looking into making yogurt myself. I am just finishing up some yogurt that I had to buy from the supermarket and then I am going to try my hand at making my own ... I like this recipe:

This is a basic recipe for homemade yogurt using commercial full fat milk.
INGREDIENTS:
1 quart of full fat sheep or cow's milk (pasteurized)
2 tablespoons of previously homemade yogurt or plain unflavored yogurt at room temperature
2 tablespoons of full fat milk (same type) at room temperature
PREPARATION:
Heat the milk just to the boiling point and pour into a non-metal container.
Let cool to lukewarm (100-105F). A skin will form on top.
Mix the 2 tablespoons of yogurt (homemade or commercial) with 2 tablespoons of milk.
Add to the lukewarm mixture, carefully pouring down the side so that any skin that may have formed on top is not disturbed.
Cover with a clean dishtowel and place on another towel in a warm, dry place for at least 8 hours (or overnight) until it thickens.
Note: 8 to 12 hours is best.

I will probably try it with fat free milk and see how it comes out. All yogurt recipe's are pretty much the same. The only thing I found different was if using fat free milk then the addition of fat free powder milk is a good idea, also makes the yogurt thicker in the end. I would need to take a look and see what the difference in calories would really make should the addition of powder milk be done. Perhaps lower fat but higher protein?

Binging

I have been on an almost week long binge. Reason for it is that I dipped down under 88 pounds / 40kg's and it really gave me a bit of a shock, I really do not need to be at such a low weight. I would like to stay above 89 pounds / 40.5kg's. My week long binge has resulted in me getting to 91.3 pounds / 41.5kg's and that's ok ... I can cope with that. I assume it is around time for my period and hence the binging has set in, my body is like that.

Today has been good though and I have been trying to get back onto the healthy CRON eating way again. I don't like how the binging and un-healthy eating has affected my energy levels. I have been sleeping a whole lot more, up to 10 hours per day, usually I only sleep around 7-8 hours. I need to settle down and rather eat more calories through good food with higher nutrients. I guess we all fall off the band wagon some times and I think I needed this week to prove to myself how my un-healthy eating is really not so good for me.

Hubby & I met up with some friends yesterday while out to lunch. They are a gay couple and they both agreed that I am looking really good and healthy. I think their "approval" of my lower weight has made Hubby feel more comfortable. I did however have three frozen margarita's ... alcohol that I have had really very little of in gosh a LONG time. I had to come home and sleep it off.

I am off to go do some Yoga on the Wii...

Bloated

Ewwww I feel really horrid at the moment. I think my period is on it's way, I just feel so heavy and lethargic.

I had a bit of a binge yesterday (Chocolate mouse) and with the high fat & calorie intake I feel absolutely horrid today. I really need to learn that these high fat binges just do not work for me, ha! The funny thing is that following a high calorie day I naturally swing to lower calorie days with loads of water and a bit of exercise and with in a few days I am feeling back to normal. I actually crave rawer lighter meals. I am actually very impressed that my body is naturally moved into a more healthy mode. I no longer mentally have to restrict, my body is into the grove and simply just asks for a more balanced life style.

I have upped my calorie intake and my weight has basically remained the same. I like the weight I am at presently. Even though at the moment I feel really ewww and heavy I am actually on target with goal and maintenance. I have kept my vitamins & nutrients up with a well balanced diet (Protein / Carb / Fat) ... I think perhaps I should increase my protein and bring down my fat a bit just looking at my report for the past 17 days. I need more protein to build muscle and ummm less fat to stop this lethargic heavy feeling.

Just out of interest I found this article on eating disorders: http://www.edsupport.co.za/Blame.asp
I found it very poignant ... if you know of some one suffering from an eating disorder I highly recommend you read this ... I saw a huge amount of applicable truth in what I read there.

Week-ends ain't a good idea

I am not quite sure what it is about week-ends that dissolve my resolve. The laziness that kind of settles over the house.

Some how I sort of fall over and week-ends are always higher calorie intake / less excersise days. I just do not seem to have the strength or resistance to "bad" food.

Although the scale has not thrown a wobbly at me yet I know iIwill pay for this week-end in a few days. Which means it is not looking good for my birthday being a celebratory goal weight day.

I have noticed though that if I do a higher calorie intake for a few days, then back to my usual working hard my weight drops below the original lowest weigh. I just have to be fairly strict on myself and I hit a new lowest weigh quite quick. This means that I can now get on the scale after a week-end and not have a total freak out if the numbers are higher than before the week-end ... It's OK, I can cope. I think this is a new positive for me.

Not only have I managed to not purge or starve these past few weeks but I have also managed to get on the scale and cope with what it says ... good or bad.