Wants and needs

Let us not beat around the bush here ... my husband wants me to pick up weight. He says I am too "bony".

The facts are as follows:

I weigh between 41 - 42kg's (90 - 92.4 pounds) and have been maintaining this through a healthy constantly monitored diet.
I am short at 5ft2. My BMI is around 17 which is technically "underweight" as 18 would be considered "perfect" by the Wii which is what he is. If I weighed 45kg's = 100 pounds I would be at an 18 BMI. When I weighed 45kg's my husband told me I was FAT. I have lost a mere 3kg's - that is really not very much. Quite frankly I like the way I look now as I have said a few times here.

I gave up alcohol and realised I had major issues with eating. I have worked really hard to combat my eating disorder over the past few months by working with CRON to keep myself healthy. I have worked hard at obtaining lean muscles by exercise and doing Wii. I am truly un-willing to go back to 45kg's and be called FAT again, I simply REFUSE, I think it would break me.

I am currently eating a healthy balanced diet, am able to control my calorie intake knowingly and pretty much eat what ever I want with in reason. My weight is stable now. I no longer bounce around with my starve / binge major issues I had, I actually EAT 3 meals per day now. I am now in control and I like it. I also like how my clothes fit me and how I look. Yes perhaps I am a little bony now with no more love handles and rounded curves, a little more angular and delicate looking, but when I had them love handles and "flabby" thighs 3kg's ago and a seriously un-healthy view of food ... neither of us liked my body.

I like this body and I think I will keep it ... thank you very much!

Week-ends ain't a good idea

I am not quite sure what it is about week-ends that dissolve my resolve. The laziness that kind of settles over the house.

Some how I sort of fall over and week-ends are always higher calorie intake / less excersise days. I just do not seem to have the strength or resistance to "bad" food.

Although the scale has not thrown a wobbly at me yet I know iIwill pay for this week-end in a few days. Which means it is not looking good for my birthday being a celebratory goal weight day.

I have noticed though that if I do a higher calorie intake for a few days, then back to my usual working hard my weight drops below the original lowest weigh. I just have to be fairly strict on myself and I hit a new lowest weigh quite quick. This means that I can now get on the scale after a week-end and not have a total freak out if the numbers are higher than before the week-end ... It's OK, I can cope. I think this is a new positive for me.

Not only have I managed to not purge or starve these past few weeks but I have also managed to get on the scale and cope with what it says ... good or bad.