Control

Control is a very hard thing ... you think you have it in your grasp but one little slip and it seems to disappear. I know I write about control quite a lot, but when it comes to eating it is a focus for me.

I am having difficulty with this right now. I am not sure why, perhaps it is because I have reached GW and thus feel justified in a little "cheat" here and there ... the problem is the little turns into a LOT. I cannot seem to just have a small treat, my brain just looses control. It is either all or nothing and it is frustrating. I need to control myself around food. These "cheats" are happening when ever I go out and people are watching me to see how much I eat. I almost feel obliged to wolf down copious amounts of food to prove that I don't have "issues" ... I need to get over this.

The other problem is after these binges which usually includes high fat foods I feel like crap. I have never been capable of metabolising fatty food, my body just does not seem to cope with it, where my husband can literally eat food that is swimming in oil, it makes me nauseous and always has. Since I have been monitoring my fat intake and keeping it rather low (over the past few months) when I do binge and eat even low fat foods but exceed my usually daily intake of fat I feel like I have a hang over the next day.

I need to get back to my usual diet even if it is higher in calories but I do need to continue to avoid those high fat foods ... I cannot cope with feeling like my stomach has a brick inside it. I am also suffering with not being able to do as much exercise as usual, with the tattoo I have cut down my yoga & muscle training on the Wii fit. I feel so lethargic lately and I think these binges are coming as a result of just general "funk".

Despite my lack of control and binging my weight is stable I have been trying to gain a little and have altered my GW to 41.5-42 kg's (91.3 - 92.4 pounds) as my hubby was not happy with my dropping below 41 kg's (90 pounds). I am OK now with that, I hope he can see the difference and that I am trying to appease him.