Control

Control is a very hard thing ... you think you have it in your grasp but one little slip and it seems to disappear. I know I write about control quite a lot, but when it comes to eating it is a focus for me.

I am having difficulty with this right now. I am not sure why, perhaps it is because I have reached GW and thus feel justified in a little "cheat" here and there ... the problem is the little turns into a LOT. I cannot seem to just have a small treat, my brain just looses control. It is either all or nothing and it is frustrating. I need to control myself around food. These "cheats" are happening when ever I go out and people are watching me to see how much I eat. I almost feel obliged to wolf down copious amounts of food to prove that I don't have "issues" ... I need to get over this.

The other problem is after these binges which usually includes high fat foods I feel like crap. I have never been capable of metabolising fatty food, my body just does not seem to cope with it, where my husband can literally eat food that is swimming in oil, it makes me nauseous and always has. Since I have been monitoring my fat intake and keeping it rather low (over the past few months) when I do binge and eat even low fat foods but exceed my usually daily intake of fat I feel like I have a hang over the next day.

I need to get back to my usual diet even if it is higher in calories but I do need to continue to avoid those high fat foods ... I cannot cope with feeling like my stomach has a brick inside it. I am also suffering with not being able to do as much exercise as usual, with the tattoo I have cut down my yoga & muscle training on the Wii fit. I feel so lethargic lately and I think these binges are coming as a result of just general "funk".

Despite my lack of control and binging my weight is stable I have been trying to gain a little and have altered my GW to 41.5-42 kg's (91.3 - 92.4 pounds) as my hubby was not happy with my dropping below 41 kg's (90 pounds). I am OK now with that, I hope he can see the difference and that I am trying to appease him.

Getting back under control

The hardest part of this is when one slips up and binges. I have to constantly remind myself not to go up-chuck. That I need to beat that demon.



Last night I binged ... I ate around 300 - 400 calories more than I should have ... OK so what I ate was not exactly "bad food" but still I lost control and it frustrates me no end. I now have to deal with the emotional turmoil and guilt. The progress is that I did not go and purge.



I am kind of stuck for the past few days at a certain weight and ever time I am "good" I fall over and go over my calorie limit putting myself back up a few 100 grams. It is terribly frustrating. I just want to loose 500 grams before the end of the week. I have two weeks to loose 3 pounds and it is these last 3 that are giving me night mares.



I need rules and I need to stick to my diet and exercise ... no excuses.



I think today I should go get myself a jump rope and do 1/2 hour per day, this should improve my mussel tone and burn off those few extra calories if I do slip up. I have not been exercising as vigorously as I am used to, I have been using "that time of the month" as an excuse for my laziness and for this I am paying the price with no weight loss.

No excuses, complete control, rules, attitude! .... Pull it together, two weeks to go.