Binging

I have been on an almost week long binge. Reason for it is that I dipped down under 88 pounds / 40kg's and it really gave me a bit of a shock, I really do not need to be at such a low weight. I would like to stay above 89 pounds / 40.5kg's. My week long binge has resulted in me getting to 91.3 pounds / 41.5kg's and that's ok ... I can cope with that. I assume it is around time for my period and hence the binging has set in, my body is like that.

Today has been good though and I have been trying to get back onto the healthy CRON eating way again. I don't like how the binging and un-healthy eating has affected my energy levels. I have been sleeping a whole lot more, up to 10 hours per day, usually I only sleep around 7-8 hours. I need to settle down and rather eat more calories through good food with higher nutrients. I guess we all fall off the band wagon some times and I think I needed this week to prove to myself how my un-healthy eating is really not so good for me.

Hubby & I met up with some friends yesterday while out to lunch. They are a gay couple and they both agreed that I am looking really good and healthy. I think their "approval" of my lower weight has made Hubby feel more comfortable. I did however have three frozen margarita's ... alcohol that I have had really very little of in gosh a LONG time. I had to come home and sleep it off.

I am off to go do some Yoga on the Wii...

Time

Good grief where does the time go??? I look around and an entire week has disappeared.

These past few days have simply been unbelievably hectic and I am glad they are over. I have been unbelievably stressed.

Stress has always been a major weight loss factor for me. I am one of those ... "I don't have time to eat" types. So I have gone slightly under my GW despite when I have eaten it has generally been really high calorie foods like lasagna, croutons, chocolate mousse, chocolate, sweets and things that as a health conscious person I really should be eating in moderation BUT the last few days it seems that is all I have had time for.

I have been tracking my calorie intake on CRON and some days it ventured as high as 3000 calories *gasp* but with the stress I seem to have burned it off at just as rapidly. I guess if I was just sitting behind a PC all day I would have gone up in weight but I have been running around like a lunatic.

Due to the time constraints I have not been getting to my Yoga or Wii and I really miss it. I hope to start again today. This brings me to a bit of a quandary that I face...

Every time I get onto the Wii it tells me "too low / underweight" my Hubby has a near fit. Now despite my extra eating I have lost a few grams so I am hesitant to step onto the Wii for fear of him having a thrombosis. Some people fear getting on a scale because they may have picked up weight ... I have this fear because my husband has made my weight into such an issue. Despite his constant negative comments about my small frame he continues to tell me I am "obsessed with food and constantly eating" ...

Wants and needs

Let us not beat around the bush here ... my husband wants me to pick up weight. He says I am too "bony".

The facts are as follows:

I weigh between 41 - 42kg's (90 - 92.4 pounds) and have been maintaining this through a healthy constantly monitored diet.
I am short at 5ft2. My BMI is around 17 which is technically "underweight" as 18 would be considered "perfect" by the Wii which is what he is. If I weighed 45kg's = 100 pounds I would be at an 18 BMI. When I weighed 45kg's my husband told me I was FAT. I have lost a mere 3kg's - that is really not very much. Quite frankly I like the way I look now as I have said a few times here.

I gave up alcohol and realised I had major issues with eating. I have worked really hard to combat my eating disorder over the past few months by working with CRON to keep myself healthy. I have worked hard at obtaining lean muscles by exercise and doing Wii. I am truly un-willing to go back to 45kg's and be called FAT again, I simply REFUSE, I think it would break me.

I am currently eating a healthy balanced diet, am able to control my calorie intake knowingly and pretty much eat what ever I want with in reason. My weight is stable now. I no longer bounce around with my starve / binge major issues I had, I actually EAT 3 meals per day now. I am now in control and I like it. I also like how my clothes fit me and how I look. Yes perhaps I am a little bony now with no more love handles and rounded curves, a little more angular and delicate looking, but when I had them love handles and "flabby" thighs 3kg's ago and a seriously un-healthy view of food ... neither of us liked my body.

I like this body and I think I will keep it ... thank you very much!

Not knowing

I have encountered a rather interesting problem.

Normally when I go out for lunch I have to estimate what I have eaten. I have a feeling I could be over estimating the calories I consume. In some ways I guess this is a good thing if I were still trying to loose weight but now that I am trying to maintain my weight it causes issues. NOT knowing how many calories I have consumed at an away from home meal where I cannot weigh or accurately calculate means that for the rest of that day I am perhaps a little over cautious about what I am eating.

Since I gave up alcohol (where I was getting about 1000 - 2000 calories daily in a wine glass) I have been having great difficulty EATING my daily allocation of calories. Sounds strange but I literally have to force myself to eat solid food. This is technically one of the reasons why my "issues" started and I do put some blame on alcohol for my current situation. I literally have no concept of eating so much food. I would say when I was drinking I was eating very little and now that I am no longer drinking eating is almost foreign.

This eating "issue" has also been impacted by my weight loss. Now that I don't want to loose weight any more I am kind of having difficulties eating the additional calories required to maintain my weight. At the end of the day I actually have to go to the fridge to find high calorie foods to increase my daily calorie intake. Not such a bad thing, I am eating dessert almost every night but this in a way is not a great thing. I need to rather be eating larger quantities of the "good" food during the day.

I am off to the shops today to buy ingredients for a veg back that I can store in the freezer and just re-heat when I need to increase my calories for the day.

Here with the planned recipe:

200g Spinach (blanched with hot water)
200g Egg plant
50g Onion
100g Sweet pepper
100g Tin tomato
1 whole egg (80 grams)
50g Low fat Cheese sauce
50g Low fat creamed cheese
50g Low fat yogurt
10g Potato flour
30g Mozzarella cheese

Pre-heat oven to 180 deg centigrade or 360 Fahrenheit. Chop up all the veggies into smallish pieces and place in a suitable oven proof quiche type dish. Mix together the tomato, egg, cheese sauce, cream cheese, yogurt & flour (you can mix in some fresh herbs if you like) and pour over the veggies. Move the sauce in and around the veggies so that they are "covered" and sprinkle the Mozzarella over the top. Bake for 25-30 minutes. Serve hot or cold as this is almost like a quiche. Per 100 grams = 60 calories (Protein = 4g, Carb = 5g & fat = 2g).

Week-end

I had a really wonderful week end. Was very relaxed and we went on a long lazy Sunday drive yesterday. It was a beautiful warm winters day here.

Food related, we did go for lunch in a little town along our drive. I had a free range chicken salad and shared Cinnamon lemon pancakes with my hubby for desert. I was really proud of myself for not going over board and eating really high calorie foods. I think I am getting a bit better with my choices when presented with restaurant food. I tend to be really good with my main meal but then simply cannot resist the HIGH calorie rich desserts. I need to keep a check on that. The pancakes were a perfect compromise, not too high in calories and I shared with my hubby.

I am getting better with keeping my weight level too. I checked my CRON graph and for the past week or so there have not been any horrible spikes or dips. This morning I am still holding it at a good weight and after feeling so bloated on Saturday I am actually feeling really good today.

I think I could actually manage to go take some pictures to post, but don't hold me to it.

Bloated

Ewwww I feel really horrid at the moment. I think my period is on it's way, I just feel so heavy and lethargic.

I had a bit of a binge yesterday (Chocolate mouse) and with the high fat & calorie intake I feel absolutely horrid today. I really need to learn that these high fat binges just do not work for me, ha! The funny thing is that following a high calorie day I naturally swing to lower calorie days with loads of water and a bit of exercise and with in a few days I am feeling back to normal. I actually crave rawer lighter meals. I am actually very impressed that my body is naturally moved into a more healthy mode. I no longer mentally have to restrict, my body is into the grove and simply just asks for a more balanced life style.

I have upped my calorie intake and my weight has basically remained the same. I like the weight I am at presently. Even though at the moment I feel really ewww and heavy I am actually on target with goal and maintenance. I have kept my vitamins & nutrients up with a well balanced diet (Protein / Carb / Fat) ... I think perhaps I should increase my protein and bring down my fat a bit just looking at my report for the past 17 days. I need more protein to build muscle and ummm less fat to stop this lethargic heavy feeling.

Just out of interest I found this article on eating disorders: http://www.edsupport.co.za/Blame.asp
I found it very poignant ... if you know of some one suffering from an eating disorder I highly recommend you read this ... I saw a huge amount of applicable truth in what I read there.

Nintendo Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I know I have been threatening to write up about the Nintendo Wii for a while now so here goes.

It ROCKS ... I cannot possibly sing it's praises higher. I know I am a pretty active person to begin with but the arrival of the Wii in our home it took my fitness and muscle build up to a whole new level.

Hubby and I purchased the Nintendo Wii early in January this year as our Christmas present to ourselves. I don't think a day has gone by that we have not played ... thats 5 months of constant use. We got the Wii and litterally played until we fell over. I had to cancel a horse riding lesson on the Tuesday after we got it on the Saturday as I was so incredibly stiff from using muscles I had no idea existed any more. Hubby and I usually play Golf and Tennis together. My darling Hubby actually had to give me lessons in Golf to enable me to "play" acuratly. If you do not hit the ball correctly, with the correct golf swing, you do not have enough control. We recently bought a second remote so we could play tennis against each other. I like to do the practice sessions of tennis and boxing to build up muscle and burn calories.

Then two weeks ago Hubby bought me the Wii "Fit" for my birthday ... I think it was love at first step onto the balance board. Although due to the tattoo I have not been able to "play" as much as I would like I have managed to unlock a number of the games and have clocked up a good few hours already.

So here is a run down of how I feel the Wii has improved my body:

Sport Golf: Works my stomach muscles, legs and arms, improves stamina/fitness in general. It is a great warm up for more strenuous exercises.

Sport Tennis: Arms, legs & stomach muscles, burns calories. Definitely warm up first we have both pulled muscles playing tennis.

Sport Boxing: Burns calories, arms & stomach muscles. Brilliant for de-stressing.

Sport Bowling & Batting: Although we do not play with these often they are great for balance and get you up and burning calories.

Fit Yoga: I LOVE the yoga, it is fantastic and I can really feel my muscles working, not high calorie burner but definitely improves muscle tone.

Fit Strength: I also really enjoy this and can feel my muscles working, definitely burns up calories.

Fit Balance: All the games are fun but my favorite are the Skiing & Snow boarding exercises. Improves balance and strengthens muscles.

Fit Aerobic: I love the step classes as well as the hula hoop, they are a load of fun and you burn calories while building leg strength and with the hula hoop stomach muscle & leg build up.

Well that pretty much rounds that up and I highly recommend the Wii to get you off the couch to burn calories and build up muscle. An absolute fitness revolution for the whole family. Combine with a good healthy low fat, low calorie diet and fat will melt off ya.